Crowdie Ever Mair / Овсянка

by Robert Burns and Samuil Marshak

I was not aware that Burns Night even existed until exactly 30 years ago, yes the very day of my first encounter with haggis and, as I learned much later, Black Brant scare. I arrived in Leeds just three days before and was staying at my Professor’s house while looking for my own accommodation. It started snowing in the afternoon, so we took the early leave — that is, about 5 pm, when everybody goes home. We spent the next two hours in a traffic jam. It was still a pre-mobile phone era and there was no way for the Professor to call his wife to say we’re stuck. At least we were sitting comfortably in the car, listening to the radio, most likely BBC Radio 3 broadcasing, guess what, Rabbie Burns songs.

Upon arrival, we were offered a dinner featuring hot porridge — Mrs Professor was an enthusiast of this dish on account of spending her formative years in Scotland. I found it impossible to refuse the first portion of the stuff but managed to politely decline the second helping.

Which brings me back to Burns. In The Complete Works of Robert Burns, there is a letter to Mrs. Dunlop from 15 December 1795 where he writes:

To leave talking of the matter so gravely, I shall sing with the old Scots ballad —

“O that I had ne’er been married,
etc. ”

See, Crowdie Ever Mair was already “old” in Burns’ times. I’m sure the Bard changed a word or two to make it sound more modern.

Robert Burns Crowdie Ever Mair

Роберт Бёрнс, перевод С.Я. Маршака Овсянка

O that I had ne’er been married, I wad never had nae care; Now I’ve gotten wife and bairns, An’ they cry crowdie ever mair. Ance crowdie, twice crowdie, Three times crowdie in a day, Gin ye crowdie ony mair, Ye’ll crowdie a’ my meal away. Waefu’ want and hunger fley me, Glowrin’ by the hallan en’; Sair I fecht them at the door, But aye I’m eerie they come ben. Ance crowdie, twice crowdie, Three times crowdie in a day; Gin ye crowdie ony mair, Ye’ll crowdie a’ my meal away.

Раз — овсянка, Два — овсянка И овсянка в третий раз. А на лишнюю овсянку Где мне взять крупы для вас? Одиноким, неженатым Не житье, а сущий рай. А женился, так ребятам Трижды в день овсянки дай. Век живет со мной забота. Не могу ее прогнать. Чуть запрешь за ней ворота, Тут как тут она опять. Раз — овсянка, Два — овсянка И овсянка в третий раз. А на лишнюю овсянку Где мне взять крупы для вас?

What’s “crowdie”? According to the glossary here,

Crowdie, a composition of oatmeal, boiled water and butter; sometimes made from the broth of beef, mutton, &c. &c.
Crowdie time, breakfast time.

The Russian translation of the song is called «Овсянка». «Овсянка, сэр» (“Porridge, Sir”) is a popular in Russian-speaking space meme from the 1981 Soviet film «Собака Баскервилей». In this movie, Sir Henry Baskerville was not a huge fan of it. The blasted dish is never mentioned in the novel, so it must have been an invention of the filmmakers. Also, porridge was used as ammo par excellence by Gromit in A Close Shave. Told you, it’s not edible.