Showing posts with label Timur. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Timur. Show all posts

Saturday, 1 November 2025

(Almost) free live music and stuff in Las Palmas, October 2025

What we’ve seen in October:

  • 4 October: «Tránsito, Lienzo y Voz» @ Casa de Colón, Calle Colón, 1, Las Palmas de Gran Canaria

  • 6 October: 30MASDANZA @ Casa de Colón, Calle Colón, 1
      The programme included:
      • Raquel Gualtero Soriano (Ibagué, Colombia — Barcelona, Spain): 360º
      • Catarina Casqueiro & Tiago Coelho (Lisbon, Portugal): Forget Me Not
      • Eugenio Micheli & Marta Papaccio (Catania, Italy): The Waiting
      • Albert Hernández & Irene Tena (Madrid, Spain): No

  • 8 October: Luis Quintana @ Palacete Rodríguez Quegles, Calle Benito Pérez Galdós, 4
      What I find irritating in a performer: (1) asking the audience to sing with, or instead of, them (90% of cantautores do it); (2) explaining what their songs are about; (3) wearing a hat on stage. LQ does all this and it is annoying. I liked Ángel Ravelo’s sax (he didn’t ask the crowd to play any with him).

  • 9 October: MASDANZA Showcase I @ Sala Gabriel Rodó, Paseo Principe de Asturias
      The programme included:
      • Kiko López (Valencia, Spain): Honest
      • Charlotte Carpentier & Giovanni Molendi (Gzira, Malta): Silenced
      • Olé Khamchanla (Saint Vallier, France): Cercle
      • Cristina Roggerini & Gaia Mondini (Marano di Napoli, Italy): Last Movement of Hope: II Chapter — Organs
      • Paula Comitre & Julio Ruiz; cante: Al Blanco (Seville, Spain): Un diálogo entre Paula Comitre y Julio Ruiz

  • 12 October: The 5.6.7.8’s @ Parque de San Telmo
      The Big Bang Vintage Festival this year was not free. We discovered this on Sunday when the security guy told us that the concert was “a private event” and we were meant to purchase tickets. The prices were €50 (a four-day pass) and €20 (a one-day pass). We were not ready to pay €20 per person for just one concert, and, judging by the applauses, it didn’t look like there was great attendance. Timur and I stayed outside the bus station to listen for the fist few songs. The sound quality wasn’t impressive either.
  • 28 October: «Arrudeio» @ Casa de Colón
      This concert was part of the 22nd (!) Festival Tensamba — why haven’t I heard of it before? With Camila Masiso (vocals, percussion) and Carol Benigno (accordion).

And exhibitions:

  • 25 September — 24 October: «Caminar la forma» @ Centro Cultural CICCA, Alameda de Colón, 1
      Wood sculptures by Juan Carlos Déniz.

  • 30 October — 28 November: Exposición del Concurso «Gran Canaria de Series de Obra Gráfica» @ Centro de Artes Plásticas (CAP), Calle Colón, 8
      ...where you can see some engravings by Tamara and Timur.

Bye, October.

Friday, 20 June 2025

A day in the life of Medusa

This story appears in our new book, The Thread, available in paperback and on Kindle from Amazon.

Whoever it is, they don’t move silently around my garden. I am a light sleeper, so I wake up. I hear it, my dogs smell it, and my vipers see it with their thermal vision. Ultimately, it’s Salua whom the intruder has the misfortune to touch while sneaking past her. She brings him down with one swift move; a loud jangle ensues as he crashes on the floor.
I approach this sorry heap. Now he is quite visible, a young man. The snakes encircle him in a sort of a living wreath. He is cowering in terror, averting his eyes and, without much success, trying to hide behind a shield. The rest of the hardware is on the floor, still within his reach. I identify the object closest to me as the Helm of Hades that Salua must have knocked off the guy’s head. A bit further from me, a weird-looking sword and a leather bag.

“Welcome, stranger,” I say. “Before you do anything else, be so kind as to pick up your sword and slowly hand it over to my slave. Don’t make any sudden movements, my serpents don’t like them. Salua, towel.”
Salua fetches a towel from the bench next to the swimming pool to accept the sword.
The guy obviously understands my words for he does as told.
The same procedure is repeated with the helmet, the bag and the shield. Devoid of the latter, the boy crouches even more, looking down and sweating profusely. I am about to order him to stand up when I catch a glimpse of his footwear. Could these be the sandals of Hermes?
“Hey, take those off too.”
My guest obeys, albeit more reluctantly than before. Trust me, I empathise with him.
Now there is nothing between the snakes and his bare feet.

Of all weapons, fear is the most powerful. Even without the magic helmet, the boy had every opportunity to flee. A part of me still wishes he did. But no, he meekly allowed two women to disarm him. Now he stands no chance. All his magic gear is spread on the towel under the watch of Salua. Where did I see that shield?

“Hey, you”, I address him. “Get up. Slowly.”
He does, still staring at his feet.
“Good boy. Now, introduce yourself.”
“I am Perseus Eurymedon, son of Danaë of Argus”, squeaks the good boy in a curiously high-pitched voice that almost makes me giggle. I cover my mouth, feigning thoughtfulness.

Danaë, Danaë. This name rings a bell.

“Do you know the name of your father, son of Danaë?”
“No... Not really.”
The bastard son of Danaë is lying, but I decide not to dwell on his genealogy for a moment.
“Do you know who I am?”
“Yes, ma’am. You are Medusa of Sarpedon”.
“Why don’t you look at me?”
He keeps inspecting his bare feet as if seeing something new.
“They say... that your gaze turns every living creature to stone.”
“They who?”
Looks like he doesn’t have the answer.
“Listen, whoever they are, they are fools and cowards. The truth is, I can turn anyone – who’s not blind, that is – to stone. But only if I want to. I’ll show you.”
I whistle for my dogs. They come running, I pet them, kiss their noses and look them in the eyes. I walk towards Salua and make prolonged eye contact with her. (While doing it, I also wink at her, taking care that the boy doesn’t see it. Salua keeps poker face.)
“See?” I turn back to my prisoner. “Nothing happens. Now look at me.”
I come closer to him. Now there are barely two paces between us. The boy is younger than I thought. I am petite and he’s the same height as me.

I could have had a son his age, I suddenly think. If I didn’t do everything possible to not have a child, that is.

Cautiously, he lifts his eyes. He meets my gaze.
And nothing happens.
His face that never knew a razor retains some puppy fat. I would call it pretty, if not for those close-set, shifty eyes. He doesn’t keep eye contact for long.
“Now I have to tell you something. I can take your life in many ways, turning you to stone is probably the most merciful one. So. Behave yourself and answer my questions. Agreed?”
He nods.
“Good. What is your business here?”
The boy hesitates.
Well?..”
“It’s...”
“A long story, eh? Don’t you worry, I have plenty of time.”
No response.
“Look, why don’t you sit down again and tell me your long story. Don’t skimp on the details. That will give you some extra minutes of life. What have you got to lose? Salua, pillow.”
Salua proffers a pillow; my prisoner takes it. I fetch my tablet and stylus, ready to take notes.
“Just don’t bore me, or I’ll cut you short”, I add.

So the boy sits down and begins his epic. He stammers at first, then little by little gets smoother. Instantly, dread sets in. No, he’s not a mere mortal. He’s a son of a god, and of a major one. I feel nauseous.

Danaë. I think I heard about her from one of my sisters. Another divine rape victim.

And this pup is here on a quest to decapitate me, clearly with supernatural help, what with all this kit he has zero experience with. Dispatching him will unleash the wrath of gods upon me. Ditto holding him prisoner: the gods will be alarmed by his disappearance. Letting him go is worse still: he’ll come back, and not alone. And his voice, gods, it gets on my nerves. No. He deserves death.

“So,” I interrupt him, “you are here because the king wants my head as a wedding present for his fiancée? Or maybe, just maybe, because the king wants to be rid of you?”

The boy stares. Apparently, the second (pretty plausible, eh?) theory never entered his mind.

“I don’t want to give you any ideas – it’s too late for this anyway – but, instead of trekking here, wouldn’t it be easier to get rid of the king?”

No, he didn’t think of that either.

Something tells me that it was the boy’s original destiny: to kill the king.

“Now, look at me. Do you believe I am an evil monster?”
He shakes his head.
“Did I cause any harm to you or your family, perchance?”
Ditto.
“Who am I, any thoughts?”
“A woman”, he mumbles.
Look at him, he’s blushing.
“Excellent observation. Anything else?”
“A very... beautiful woman.”
In any other circumstances, I’d feel flattered. Unfortunately for the kid, his ridiculous voice is as irritating as ever.
“Why, thank you, I’m glad you appreciate beauty when you see it. Yet you sneak here like a thief in order to murder a sleeping woman. Not very gentlemanly, don’t you agree?”
Sure thing, he agrees.
“I trust you realise that for my own safety I can’t let you live. But I feel generous today.”

I can’t believe my ears – is it me talking? Are you crazy, Med?
Salua looks at me incredulously.

“So I propose you choose the way you die. Not many people have this opportunity, you know.”

Just finish him, silly girl, I tell myself, stop talking. Many a villain met their end on account of their logorrhoea. Perseus knows too much, he must die. And yet I can’t shut up.

“I promise I can help you to meet your end with dignity.”

Gods, whom I hate, I sound horribly pompous. No, I didn’t think that through. Even if he kills himself, say jumps from a cliff – oh, there is a perfect spot! – the gods will be after me. Or will they? Do they know my whereabouts? If yes, why send the kid sniffing me out to Graiai? Ah, I see, that could have been another test. But what if they don’t?

A sticky silence descends. I look again at the towel. I have no doubts now about that shield. I used to be closely acquainted with its owner. What for did she lend it to the boy, I wonder. She must be well aware that it won’t save him from being petrified. If it were your dull run-of-the-mill bronze mirror, like I’ve got in my bathroom, it could just about work. But this one reflects the light perfectly. In fact, I could use it as a weapon. It’s simple physics. Or... Could it be that she wanted my assassin to fail?
Incidentally, years ago, she gave me a gift too. A parting gift, as it were. A pair of gorgeous Asian vipers. Why did she do it, I’ve no clue. Was it irony? Pity? Curse? Care? (Woman, you tend to overthink.) I named them Stheno and Euryale, after my sisters. So cute. Stheno turned out to be a male but then it was too late to change his name. Thus far, the old couple are alive and well, and the rest of the reptiles in my garden are their descendants.

What happens next shows that deciding upon Perseus’ mode of death was neither up to me nor up to him: the Fates, as the saying goes, have their way. The boy, who was fidgeting for a while, all at once jumps to his feet and makes a dash – where? We’ll never learn but I guess it dawned on him, belatedly, that he could have escaped from us. Alas, he treads on a serpent.

Short story shorter: Perseus is no more.

After shooing away my snakes, I find myself kneeling beside his still warm body. His brown eyes are, at last, wide open and don’t avoid my stare. But what’s this water on his chiton?
My tears, that’s what.
I didn’t wish you death, boy, I mutter.
Salua helps me to my feet. Her face is expressionless when she gives me her mighty hug. We stay embracing each other for a few minutes.
“Come, miss,” Salua finally says. “Go house. Salua take care the man.”
“No, Salua. I will do it. But I need your help.”
We have to act before rigor mortis sets in. Salua helps me undress the body. Perseus naked looks even less muscular than I suspected. Flabby arms and tummy, gynaecomastia. Boy, his garments stink. I tell Salua to wash them well and hang them to dry. She disappears into the house.
It’s time to do what I, and I alone, have to do.
Perseus told me himself that the harpe was there to cut off my head and the bag was to store it. And bring it back to whoever asked him for my head. Of course, poor sod failed the mission miserably, which is exactly what the king whatshisname was counting on, and, come to think about it, the gods were also half-expecting. No, I’m not gonna give them that.
I weigh the sword in my hand. It’s surprisingly light. Suspiciously light, even. And what’s with its weird shape? Won’t my own trusty xiphos be better?
In the end, I decide to give the harpe a go.

You might guess what follows, so I’ll spare you the details.

I need to get rid of the body. I don’t want anyone to see me lugging it about, even Salua. So let’s take Perseus out the same way he came: flying and invisible. And what did he use? Why, Helm of Hades and sandals of Hermes.
I inspect these objects. For obvious reasons, Perseus can’t wear the helmet now. Will it work on me?
I stand in front of a mirror and put the thing on. It’s not the most comfy hat in the world, likely adapted from the Thracian model, that covers most of my face – hey, it works! Not that well though. I become see-through but still discernible. The helmet is one of these shoddy “Made in Underworld” affairs that only make you invisible in the darkness. Also, it has got quite a latency. I take a sword in my hands and observe in the mirror how it slowly dissolves into something as transparent as myself.
So that’s it. I’ll have to don the damn helmet and drag the cadaver away from here. Will the sandals be of any help?
Yes! They fit and they work like a charm.
I fly the boy towards that perfect spot for Perseus’ suicide I was fantasising about. I – or shall I say “we”? – settle on the clifftop. The sun is about to set, and I am not going to miss the show. I find myself talking to my unlucky guest whom I, take note, embrace around the waist.
“Hey, this is perhaps the most beautiful sunset that you’ll never see. I know, you can’t hear me either. I’m sorry that you are dead, but this is the way things are. You shouldn’t have come here. Don’t worry, I will take good care of your head.”
And so on, this kind of nonsense, till the last bit of sun sinks under the horizon.
I stand up and lift Perseus. A few careful steps toward the edge.
“Rest in peace, son of Danaë,” I whisper as I release my grip.
In the twilight, I see the headless body slowly growing visible again while it plunges into the sea. It’s getting dark. I have to return home as fast as I can, without looking back. Down there, dozens of sharks waste no time either.

So you thought you knew the story.

Now consider this. His clothes, now clean and dry, fit me as a glove. My breasts are small and firm, even smaller than the poor boy’s man-boobs. The gods’ gadgetry also stays with me. Most importantly, my head is still on my shoulders. I’ll make sure that Perseus lives too – at least, for the outside world.

I can’t tell you what’s gonna happen next. I need some sleep first. I have to re-read my notes, then I’ll decide. Salua comes to check on me.
“You all right, miss?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Thank you, Salua. I’m going to bed now.”
“Good night, miss.”
“Good night, Salua. You too have a rest.”

Off she goes.

Stheno and Euryale are nesting on my pillow. I am too tired to get up and fetch another one, and I hate to shake my life-savers off. I lay my head next to them and close my eyes.
Sweet dreams, my lovelies, I murmur.
My lovelies lay quiet, so I reply for them.
Sweet dreams, sister.

Sunday, 29 November 2020

Big Red Whale

by Timur Kulikov

What can I say? It’s a whale, it’s red, and it’s big. How big? Depends how big you want it. Here you can order a giclée art print of it; the available sizes are 8 x 8″ (20.3 x 20.3 cm), 12 x 12″ (30.5 x 30.5 cm) and 24 x 24″ (61 x 61 cm). The canvas and acrylic prints are also available.

Friday, 20 July 2018

Yuri’s 21st

Here are seven analogue-era, “made in Britain” photos taken in different years by Tamara.

Toddler

Drawing

Cromer, 1998

Yuri and Timur, Saffron Walden, 2000

Autumn in Cardiff

Halloween

Peak District, 2006

And this video I found on my old netbook before taking it to Cash Converters.

Aarhus (back then Århus), 2009

Saturday, 2 December 2017

31 to Inktober

by Timur Kulikov

This year, Timur took part in the Inktober challenge and duly delivered 31 drawings. All of them could be found on his blog; here I post my five or six favourites.

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

The Search for Happy-Land

by Timur Kulikov

Timur had been working on this picture for quite a few weeks (all these Celtic swirly things!) and finished it when we were in Finland this August. This is what he wrote about it:

I thought of a web-comic a while ago. The main character lives on a barren wasteland and searches for a mythical “Happy-Land” because he hates his current life. He travels through a deceptively dark journey with a particularly stupid dog.

I am looking forward to the first installment of the comic.

Monday, 15 August 2016

Something Wicked

by Yuri & Timur

Last year, for my birthday, Yuri and Timur presented me with a handwritten manuscript of their joint literary work. At long last, we have digitised it (i.e. typed it on a PC), keeping as much of original spelling, punctuation and capitalisation as possible.

The moon is black, the night is dark
Monsters howl and cry and bark
Scream now, leave now, run away
Something wicked comes this way

Saturday, 30 July 2016

Carne y hueso

by Eva Yerbabuena Ballet Flamenco

So here it is, another experimental validation of the Theory of Searches by Juan Valdez (see Mindswap by Robert Sheckley): after ten or so years of consistently missing Eva Yerbabuena in England, I’ve got the chance to see her for free precisely in my current Location-Point. Once again, as a part of the 20º TEMUDAS FEST; once again, at Plaza de Santa Ana.

We went to see the show with Timur yesterday. To our surprise, it started exactly as advertised, at 10 pm. There were no free seats so we sat down on the ground, just a few metres away from the scene.

It seems that Timur, in contrast to Yuri, enjoys both toque and baile flamenco. Can’t say the same about cante, but then, I also can do without it, or at least without its most traditional (that is, tragic) variety. Eva’s dance, especially taconeo, was very impressive. However, we both liked even more the rest of the dance troupe. There was an encore where every dancer (and the singer) got to do a solo performance. (On the way back, we’ve been discussing who was the best. We’ve both agreed that it was a male dancer on the far right.)

I have to add that I didn’t care much about the black screens used as stage props as they were obstructing the view for those who (like us) were watching from the side.

Carne y hueso

  • Baile: Eva Yerbabuena
  • Guitar: Paco Jarana
  • Cante: José Valencia, Alfredo Tejada
  • Percussion: Antonio Coronel
  • Corps de ballet: Christian Lozano, Fernando Jiménez, Ángel Fariña, Lorena Franco, María Moreno, Marina González

Sunday, 17 July 2016

Carmen

by Georges Bizet

“What?”, I hear you crying, “now you go to the opera every single day?” Relax, dear reader. Not every day. Why, I spent years, nay, decades, without going to any opera and feel quite fine about that. I don’t even like opera that much. Unless it is something by Verdi. Or Carmen. It just so happened that right now there is the Festival of Theatre, Music and Dance in Las Palmas, and we’ve been attending it two days in a row.

Besides, we were attracted by the location as much as by the performance itself. This particular instance of Carmen took place at the Terminal de Contenedores del Muelle de La Luz (container terminal of the port). Playing in this unusual place became kind of a tradition for the Philharmonic Orchestra of Gran Canaria. Not the easiest spot to get to and from, considering that the show started at 10 pm; thankfully, there were free buses running from (and then back to) the Centro Comercial El Muelle. I have to say that the event was very well organised and, with tickets priced at €12, a steal. But, of course, there is always room for improvement.

Now the show was (thank goodness!) not a complete opera in four acts but a “greatest hits” compilation and, as it often happens with greatest hits compilations, included some misses as well. Our very own Canarian Nancy Fabiola Herrera made a great Carmen (“She is very pleased with herself”, noted Timur); in comparison, primo uomo Enrique Sánchez Ramos, while technically adequate, was not that impressive or memorable. Both lead singers and choir were just standing there, so it was more like an oratorio than an opera. I felt this gorgeous space was tragically underused. One can imagine employing the said containers as stage props or at the very least to create raised seating area. From our seats, there was little to be seen without binoculars. However, as the show was filmed for Spanish television and projected on huge TV screens (also mounted on the containers), we did not miss much in terms of visuals.

When we were back to the town, I asked Timur how much did he understand of the opera, given that he learns French in school. “Was it in French?” he asked. “Well... One word there was... L’amour.”

Carmen

    Orquesta Filarmónica de Gran Canaria
    Conductor: Rodrigo Tomillo
    Mezzo-soprano: Nancy Fabiola Herrera
    Baritone: Enrique Sánchez Ramos
    Mezzo-soprano: Raia Natcheva
    Soprano: Maite Robaina
    OFGC Choir
    OFGC Children Choir

Sunday, 17 April 2016

The Adventures of Unamuno

by Timur Kulikov

Timur drew several illustrations for his school project on Miguel de Unamuno.

  1. Miguel de Unamuno was a Spanish essayist, novelist, poet, playwright and philosopher...

    Unamuno multitasking

  2. ...as well as professor and rector at the University of Salamanca.

    The University of Salamanca

  3. Unamuno was born on 29 September 1864 in Bilbao.

    Unamuno was born in Calle Ronda, 16, Bilbao

  4. When he was young, Unamuno was competing for a position of Basque language teacher in the Instituto de Bilbao against Sabino Arana and Resurrección María de Azkue; this latter has eventually won the contest.

    Unamuno competes for a position of teacher

  5. In 1924 Unamuno was kicked out of the university and banished to Fuerteventura where he had nothing better to do than spend his days on the beach.

    Unamuno in exile

  6. The day he returned to the University from his exile, Unamuno began his lecture by saying “Decíamos ayer...” (“As we were saying yesterday”) as if he had not been absent at all.

    Return to the University

  7. In 1936 Unamuno had a public quarrel with the Nationalist general Millán Astray.

    Unamuno vs Millán Astray

Sunday, 31 May 2015

Rain

by Timur Kulikov

Back to Canarias... Is it too early for me to miss all that rain?

Saturday, 21 February 2015

Plants and planetoids

by Timur Kulikov

Pencil, paper.

Plants

Plants: “A sketch I did at school.”

Planetoids

Planetoids: “A sketch I did of a neighbourhood in space. School was rather uneventful.”

Monday, 27 October 2014

Meet the Jacks (The Tale of the Flaming Witch)

by Timur Kulikov

With Hallowe’en upon us, it’s time to introduce you to... Jacks. Timur had been working on this project through all summer.

The flaming witch is the villain and is called that because she is a Jack. You play as a little girl who, after hearing about the witch, set out to stop her.
Jacks are the pumpkin people displayed in this picture and they all work for The Witch. The girl with the blue skin is who you play as and in this picture there are 11 Jacks.
Ain’t you scared?

Thursday, 11 September 2014

Buying textbooks in Spain

Unlike the UK or Finland, where the school textbooks are provided free of charge, in Spain one has to buy them; at least, most of them. And they ain’t cheap. For example, for his first year Bachillerato, Yuri needs six (6) books, each priced about €30 in the bookshop, except for Historia del Mundo Contemporáneo which costs €42! You can save a few euros shopping at Amazon.es; unfortunately, they don’t offer free shipping for Canaries. Moreover, I found one of the textbooks sold slightly cheaper by a vendor via Amazon.es but there was no option to deliver to Canaries at all.

So I decided to explore the second-hand market. In Fuerteventura, there are no second-hand shops; at least, when we lived there, they did not exist. There are a few in Las Palmas, but I don’t know any specialised bookshops. However I was able to find all the books for Yuri at segundamano.es. (I used the same website a few months ago when I was looking for a house to rent.) I thought the most difficult part for me would be arranging meetings with the sellers: I hate phoning! It turned out to be a fun way of practicing my Spanish. To pick up one of the books, I had to take a bus to hitherto unknown (to me) part of Las Palmas, where I explored streets named Calle Polca and Calle Mazurca.

There is quite a diversity of school textbooks in Spain: you don’t just buy a math textbook for the 3º ESO, you need a specific one. And they tend to require the newer editions every year. Good news that some of Bachillerato books stayed the same for several years. I mean, there was not too much progress with Ancient Greek or Latin recently.

Finding the second-hand books for Timur was a bit more tricky. Luckily, I discovered Relibrea, an excellent web site dedicated to buying/selling of second-hand books. There was nothing available in Gran Canaria but eventually I found the sellers ready to send me the books from Madrid.

Result: of the lot (twelve textbooks altogether), the most expensive book did cost me €16 (plus postage), the cheapest €8; total saving at least €200.

Saturday, 26 April 2014

Revival

by Timur Kulikov

An absolutely fantastic work. This is what Timur says:

Another idea for a movie. Haven’t thought of a name yet but I’ve thought of the story. After an evil alchemist killed half the people in the kingdom, five people were sent to bring him to justice. The currently dead guy and the four guys with their backs turned. From left to right: a human alchemist, a gargoyle, a mercenary of a race that have one eye on the front and another on the back, a mushroom man who mainly carries stuff and fights when the group is endangered. Currently the four-armed one has had his soul expelled and they’re using a spell triggered by music to get him back.
Of course, there is more to it. Who are the guys who face us? (I like the guitarist.) What is this place? Who are the dark figures on the top? You think about it.

Revival

Saturday, 10 August 2013

The Ultimate Inferior Beings

by Mark Roman

About a year ago, we were visiting our friend, my former colleague and bandmate-turned-writer, Martina Munzittu. I’ve noticed the Pythonesque cover of the book laying on her table. The novel, it has to be added, is written by another former colleague of mine. I asked Martina if she read it and she said “not yet”. Yuri also got interested and while we were chatting and having lunch and chatting again, he read about a third of the book. Later that day, he asked me to order it from Amazon, which I did. I also got a Kindle version of it (for free, as it happens).

It was not until the last week of July though that I came to read it myself. We were busy packing and storing when Timur expressed a desire to take TUIB with us to Finland, because Yuri told him the book is very good. I told him it’s a bit of an overkill to carry a hardcopy in our luggage when we have it on Kindle. After that, I proceeded to read this very hardcopy while I could.

It turned out to be better than I expected. Actually, brilliant. If you like Douglas Adams, Monty Python and Red Dwarf, I am sure you will enjoy TUIB. Even if you hate all of those... you still should give TUIB a try. It is very user-friendly and even has a Glossary explaining, sometimes correctly, some of the scientific mumbo-jumbo.

anaX was hooking the extensible, spring-coil lead of the all-purpose, high internal impedance recharger to the brass-alloy nodal-anode batteries of emergency deep-space survival module No 3. And she was doing it a lot faster than it takes to say it.
LEP was quietly singing “Daisy, Daisy” to himself. anaX took it to be a normal pastime for ship’s computers, as she had heard it somewhere before, but it wasn’t long before this pastime started to irritate her. She looked up from recharging the batteries and said, “LEP?”
LEP stopped singing. “Yes?”
“Tell me something about yourself,” she said. “Talk to me for a bit.”
“There’s nothing to tell,” said LEP with uncharacteristic modesty.
“I’m sure there is.”
“Well, you’re quite right. There is. And every bit of it is phenomenally interesting.”
“Go on, then.” She continued with her recharging.
“I’m deeply flattered,” said LEP. “I hadn’t realized you were so interested in me.”
“I’m not. But it’s got to be better than your singing.”

Monday, 22 July 2013

Cycling in Corralejo

A BBC report says that Cambridge is “Britain’s top cycling city”. If this is indeed so, I feel sorry for the rest of Britain. For Cambridge, the last time I was looking (last month), is still far from being truly cycle-friendly. Unfortunately, there are no shortage of cyclist haters in Britain. This hatred is often based on a belief that it’s them, motorists, who are paying the mythical “road tax” while the rest are (equally mythical) “road tax dodgers”. On the other hand, (some of) the cyclists in Cambridge are arrogant like nowhere else. When Douglas Adams wrote about “a cyclist, who cursed and swore ... from a moral high ground that cyclists alone seem able to inhabit”, I’m sure he meant Cambridge cyclists.

I bought my first bicycle in 1998, shortly after moving to Cambridgeshire, in a hope to use it for my work commute. Back then, I had this mental image of Cambridge as a safe cycling place, which I by some reason extended to the rest of the county. The reality was different. The semblance of the cycling path was disappearing half-way from the village, and I was never feeling suicidal enough to hit the motorway. And so, for the next 13 years, my Integra Phantom was resting. (Resting, not rusting. It started to rust only here.)

I resumed cycling two years ago, in Corralejo. My first week here, I bought a budget Berg. Both Yuri and Timur were learning cycling on it, and then Yuri was using it daily, so it suffered a lot. In two years, I changed the pedals, wheels, gears, brakes (twice), saddle (twice), tyres (twice), countless inner tubes... well more or less everything apart from the frame and the chain. I reckon I invested in it at least twice as much as it was worth new. Still, cycling is the way to go in Corralejo. From our house, it is a 15-minute ride to the school and the same to Flag Beach.

When my old bike has finally arrived from England, I took it for a check-up to the sports shop where I bought the rest of our bike fleet. That’s when and how I learned (from “my” mechanic) that the brake levers in left-side-driving countries are the other way round compared to the rest of the world.

Now Corralejo is reasonably crime-free but one day Timur phoned from the school and said that his bike has disappeared. By that time, it also was a well-battered contraption scarcely worth stealing. Still, I went to the police to report the incident, if only for the sake of the experience. Needless to say, I never heard back from them.

Cycling in Corralejo is a breeze. Not because of the infrastructure — the cycling paths can be good, bad or absent — but thanks to the attitude. ¡Tranquilo, hombre! It’s only guiris (foreigners) who wear cycling helmets. Nobody bothers with hand signals either. The motorists normally leave the cyclists in peace; the cyclists don’t seem to be excessively irritating either. For me, the major annoyance comes in form of obese pedestrians who insist on crawling three or four a-breast, taking all of the pavement and a cycling path.

Ironically, just as we are planning to move, they, at long last, finished the re-surfacing of the high street and even put the new bike parking racks. If you are visiting Corralejo, think seriously of renting a bike. If you are moving in... do you need a second-hand one?

More photos of Fuerteventura @ Shutterstock.

Sunday, 18 November 2012

Sunday beach clean-up

Sick of all the rubbish on the beach? Then get off your arse and do something about it!

Today, Yuri, Timur and I joined thirty or so volunteers for a beach clean-up organised by Clean Ocean Project. We met at 11 am on Punta Elena (Rocky Point), to the left from the Bahia Real hotel. There was a Clean Ocean Project flag and a truck, so it was difficult to miss the meeting point. Armed with the rubber gloves and refuse bags, we started to move slowly towards the Corralejo harbour.

While collecting the glass, plastic, ropes, nets, cigarette butts, paper, broken tiles, rotting food — in short, toda la porquería — some very uncharitable thoughts were entering my mind. On the subject of disposal of this rubbish. I am not going to share them here though. On the other hand, it was a pleasure to work side by side with all these wonderful people, most of them younger than me. (My own children included.) Ah yes. Where they are?

“Hang on, we are not going to clean every single beach here?”
“Yes we are.”
(Sulk)
We finished just after 12:30 pm close to Galera Beach; the same truck was there waiting there for us and our bags of rubbish. Then we went to Muelle Chico to take part in Marea Blanca — a human chain across the beach, the action of protest against the oil prospecting off the Canary Islands.

A couple of observations, or (digitised) mental notes for the future clean-ups. Although the refuse bags were provided, next time I will bring several shopper bags with me. It was rather windy this morning, and kids were struggling with big black bin liners: until a bit filled with rubbish, they were trying to escape. Besides, even the heavy duty bags can be ripped by glass shards, so it’s good to have back-up. Ditto the disposable gloves: by the end of the operation, they were falling apart. A time to invest in garden gloves methinks.

“Dad, are we really going to clean all the island?”
“Not today, I’m afraid.”
(A sigh of relief.)
But eventually we will clean it all. I hope.

Friday, 7 September 2012

2S Flare

by Timur Kulikov

While Apple is still battling Samsung over who first thought of rounded corners, Timur came up with a design of two-screen smartphone. It is solar-powered, so when you are not busy smartphoning, you can still sport your gizmo whilst not looking like a complete moron but, on the contrary, like an eco-conscientious nerd. I suppose the Fuerteventura residents (who, naturally, will be the first buyers of 2S Flare) will be getting a free pair of oven mitts, to safely handle the freshly charged appliance.

2S Flare @ Timur's Artwork